What if there was a God?

        Let me preface this entry with this thought. What if God asked you tomorrow morning "those look like some tasty Lucky Charms your eating, mind if I sit and enjoy them with you?" Funny right? maybe a bit absurd, but otherwise just a good laugh and not much more thought put into it.

        Now Imagine this if you will. Pretend with me for a moment that there is a God. Indeed a mighty God. Try to wrap your mind around what the implications would be just this once. Imagine this God, creating everything from the smallest cell to the vast infinity of outer space. This God, programming every strand of DNA to fulfill a purpose. A scientist and an artist. Big enough to create infinity, surpassing what we call time. This God, living in the present, the past, and the future all at once. This God, creating the sun; a great mass of flame that would serve as light and warmth. Imagine him measuring with his heavenly ruler the distance to the earth, not an inch too far or too short but just enough. Just enough to sustain you and I and every other living thing. Imagine his heavenly city if you can. Imagine it, surpassing the glory of the entire universe. Can you see it? Is it even possible to fathom? This God, he cannot be measured, he cannot be understood; his glory is so incredible that if we were to look him in the face we would die.

Too often I try to put God in a little box, one that cannot exist. God created the box, his existence is so mind blowing that not even a million scholars, scientists, priests, pastors, psychologists, or philosophers could hope to understand him. Yes, this is the God I believe in. Thankfully God doesn't leave us in the dark though.

        This God, the same one that mapped the heavens and measured ends of the universe, loves you. This God created you and he knows you better than you could ever know yourself. This God wants only to spend time with you! This God, the ultimate creator, king of kings, Lord of lords, omnipresent, all powerful, superior to the best of the best, worthy of our worship for eternity, programmer of our DNA, the one who provides for the lions and gives the wild ostrich its speed, who designed it all out of his own unfathomable imagination, the savior of the world, the father of our fathers, the fountain of all wisdom, the conqueror of kings, the masterful artist, the brilliant scientist, the incredibly underestimated, the profoundly pure, the purely righteous, the righteously just, the justified high priest, the ultimate sacrifice, the beginning and the end, the mighty and the humbled, the glorious and the spat on, the victorious one; yes... this God, he loves you and I.

        I only hope that you understand one thing; this God, were he to exist, cannot be fathomed. We are so small and we understand so little, but our God loves us. Our God came to our level, he limited himself, and became Jesus Christ.

        Imagine then, what you might do in response to such a profound truth. Imagine if that God were to come knocking on you door tomorrow morning and ask, "Those look like some tasty lucky charms your eating, mind if I sit and enjoy them with you?"

        I wish I could understand but I can't. Its impossible to comprehend that as I ate my Lucky Charms this morning, this God I have described to you, wanted to enjoy them with me. I think if I did understand then my life might look a little different; my dark times might be a little brighter, my bright times might be a little bit less about myself,

and all my times would be spent in awe that my God 

simply 

wants 

me.

The Fight

Why cant I just let go?

My selfish thoughts bury me in a harsh and heavy snow.

The only escape is the warmth of your light,

That you might melt it all away before I lose this fight.

But Im afraid of that day,

For I cant fathom how much it cost you to pay.
And when all the snow melts away,

I don’t want you to see the mess I’ve made.

Because God you are my lover,

And I am your murderer;

I hammered the nails that bore you up,

When you knocked I slammed the door shut.

When you cried out I mocked your face,

As you bore my sins I closed my eyes in disgrace,

When you rose again I turned from your embrace,

When you called my name I ran away.

But Lord you didn’t stop at that,

Because no power of hell could ever hold you back.
You chased me down into the valley,

And as I wept in the dark you were beside me.

You looked at me and said you loved me;

You didn’t point fingers, you didn’t cast blame;

You said you knew my pain,

And you wept.

Now I understand a glimpse of your sorrow;

For God you are the pursuer of my heart,

And when I reject that love,

I tear yours a part.

But you took me away in your embrace;

You carried me out of my miserable place,

And on that day I praised your name,

For I knew nothing would ever be the same.

And as the first light of morning over the native ridge,

Grace and mercy brought me over the cross you made bridge;

The trumpets sounded and the feast began,

Making me wonder why I ever ran.

Now your rod and your staff they comfort me;

The peace of your presence sets me free.

Down by the river my roots grow deep,

To the sound of the rush I soon fall asleep.

You Lord are my lover and you wont let me go;

You have melted away all of this snow.

I rejoice because your beautiful and penetrating light

Has already won the fight.

Love is on my mind: Lessons learned

I know that a lot of you read my last blog entry titled “love is on my mind”. With permission from the subject of that entry I am writing this to follow up with everyone. My hope is that you can take something from everything I am learning through this situation. If you didn’t read the post before then don’t bother to look for it. I took it down for obvious reasons but I encourage you to read this anyways and apply the lessons as you see fit.

First of all, I learned I have a great friend. I don’t regret pursuing something with her because she was definitely worth pursuing. As you can guess she did not feel the same way towards me but because of her incredible maturity and character the situation turned out to be a good one and I believe we have a stronger friendship and trust because of it.

However there is still the inevitable pain. I don’t think I really need to explain that. The pain was very real and not at all pleasant. Through the pain, God is teaching me a lot about myself. Im learning that I have a bigger ego than I thought I did. This greatly upset me but it also helped me turn even more to God and hold less for myself. I have wanted more than anything to have a real relationship and to love someone but it is not going to happen on my own time and It will not be her. Coming to terms with that is perhaps the hardest but most important thing. For now I have to give over my desire for love to God because I don't know how long the wait will be. I do know this though, the wait will be worth it!

It takes time and acceptance to heal anything. I know this is like a papercut in comparison to many hardships others have experienced but I think that the lessons can still be applied. Please comment or correct me if I am wrong.

Take chances. Life is about taking chances. I have a poster of John Wayne on my wall that says “Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways.” Its funny because this poster actually motivated me to do something about my feelings. But we also must know that courage doesn’t equal victory. We can saddle up and come back wounded but If we never saddle up then we miss lessons, opportunities worth pursuing, and we become slow, apathetic, lonely people.

I only have one regret in the situation, and that is that I posted my feelings for all of you to see. Granted, I know many of you enjoyed the post and may have even benefited from it but honestly, nothing that personal should be posted. Most of all it was probably awkward for her even though not very many people knew who I was talking about. It was just a very foolish thing for me to do and I hate public drama. Don’t mistake me though, I don’t regret what I said at all. I would have said it to her either way, but it should not have been public. New rule for myself, when emotions are running high let somebody else who is neutral read your post before posting and better yet, don’t post at all. By posting that I made myself even more vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like everybody knows I just went through something tough. I also don’t want the situation to become about me, and by posting that I was being pretty narcissistic thinking people other than my close friends would actually care. That’s not supposed to be a sad or self-hating thought at all, I only need to recognize I have an ego and I shouldn’t feed it.

Friends. We need friends to talk to but even more so parents or mentor figures. These mentor figures have so much wisdom to offer and if we want to make the wisest decisions we must seek that wisdom out. Being around others is the fastest way to heal anything. Give into the pain for a bit and experience it because that is ok but don’t mope for long. Get out and be with others you care about. Serve people.

Talk to God. The best thing to pray for in these situations is for learning. Ask God to teach you and to be with you. God is our one true lover and he deserves all of our attention and more. The pain of rejection helped remind me of how incredible the pain must be for God when we reject him even after the whole hearted sacrifice he made for us. Of course, the woman in my scenario cant be related to us rejecting God. I don’t even want to imply that. She obviously did the right thing unlike humanity rejecting its creator. I also don’t want to imply that my pain was anywhere near that of Christ’s but ANY pain is a chance to better understand Christ’s pain.

Action is what counts. My parents taught me this lesson. During those first few days I had to constantly remind myself of this. It is in these times where my emotions are off the charts that I must stay true to God, my values, my character, and my convictions. It was tough doing so many things that directly contrasted with how I felt. To do this I had to make a list of what I wanted to be, and who I wanted others to see me as so that I still might bring glory to God. I am trying to stick to this, and I have failed a few times but all in all it has helped things heal much quicker and it has prevented me from making any stupid decisions. My actions matter, not how I feel.

Thank you all for being encouraging and I hope you will continue reading my blog, not as a source for drama, but a source for growth, life lessons, and wisdom.

Pursuing Wisdom: Invisible Wealth

Don't give me riches or fame, women or friends, power or honor, but wisdom. For wisdom is as precious as rubies; rarer than the holographic Charizard I sought after as a kid.

Wisdom is the cause and the effect. Wisdom is the result and the result of. Wisdom is attainable by all, pursued by some, and found by few. 

Proverbs 1:20-21

Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public squares; at the head of the noisy streets she cries out, in the gateways of the city she makes her speech

Wisdom is heard by all, listened to by some, and followed by few. 

What is wisdom then, can I claim to understand it? Well, I have pursued it for some time. There is no age limit for wisdom. I have sought after it since my father encouraged me as a child that I had made a "wise decision" by taking out the juice jug before trying to shove the milk jug in the fridge. I liked that. So I pursued it. Have I attained it? Yes and no. Wisdom comes in bite sizes, choice morsels. I have taken several bites out of a sandwich you could say is too big for me. All I hope to do is encourage you to pursue wisdom, for it would be hopeless and contradictory to simply explain it here even if I could.

Worldly wisdom is simply how we cope with our life. It is, as Dr. Patton would say, the Cheeto to get us through the next 10 seconds of our "miserable existence". 

True wisdom comes from the Lord. It is fed to us through experiences, people, silence, and most importantly, the word of God. You must understand that Wisdom is given by God but consumed by us. You cannot obtain wisdom by simply reading. You could not even obtain wisdom if Jesus himself were here to explain it to you. The disciples didn't and they ministered with him everyday.



Proverbs 2:1-6 says this...

"My son, if you accept my words

   and store up my commands within you,

2 turning your ear to wisdom

   and applying your heart to understanding—

3 indeed, if you call out for insight

   and cry aloud for understanding,

4 and if you look for it as for silver

   and search for it as for hidden treasure,

5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD

   and find the knowledge of God.

6 For the LORD gives wisdom;

   from his mouth come knowledge and understanding."

We must pursue it! Those who don't want to believe will not believe, but those who pursue wisdom and understanding will find it. I believe that is a promise. 

But you must know this, Wisdom will not bring you to wealth, riches, power, or fame. In fact, wisdom might just pull you the other direction. Wisdom is obtaining a perspective that shatters all barriers and finds life in what we see as broken. Wisdom is self disciplined, thankful, patient, prudent, kind, courageous, and content. Wisdom is not dealing with our "miserable existance" but understanding just how wonderful it is and a making the most of every second. 

Therefore, pursue wisdom and carry with you love; for wisdom without love is nothing. 

A Friend Worth Dying For

Words don't describe how thankful I am for the people God has put into my life. Friendship is such a powerful and special thing. I hope that in this world of Facebook and party life that we don't forsake our friends for petty self pleasures that render us empty. In a world that is infatuated with itself we find friendship much more rare. Indeed it is as precious as rubies.

A friend will follow you into the darkest places. A friend will confront even the most sensitive matters with encouragement but also conviction. A friend will be there even when they don't want to be anymore because they know how vital it is to stick together. They pray fervently for their friend even if they don't believe there is a God to hear them. Friends sharpen each other, as iron sharpens iron, even when it hurts like nothing else. A friend is willing be crucified for his brother.

These qualities are hard to meet aren't they? Yet if you have had a true friend then you have most likely felt, at some point, this kind of passion. Maybe not for a friend but a spouse, family member, or child. Being a friend isn't about any sort of comfort or selfishness. No! It is about a real and active, selfless relationship. Read 1 Samuel 20 for a biblical example.

My brothers Nathan, Matt, and Ryan are a few I think of that I think of that are like this for me. We have gone through trenches together. I have carried them and they have carried me. Even now as we are scattered across the world we are there for each other. I cannot thank God enough for giving me these brothers that I know will continue to be my friends as long as I live. They are the people I can go to when the rest of the world seems to come crashing down. When I screw up or fall down, they are there to help lift me up. They are able to this because they trust in the Holy Spirit which gives them the ability to love sacrificially as Jesus did. That is a peculiar thing about humans, our ability to be selfless. Though we don't use it as often as we are commanded, it is a beautiful thing. 

I know that if I were to storm the gates of hell tomorrow that my brothers would follow me there. For that I am blessed, and I praise God that the victory is already ours through Christ Jesus. I couldn't ask for anything more and I won't. All I need is right here. And though I cannot count on my friends strength alone, I can trust in my faithful Lord that did take the bullet for me. I can try to praise him somehow and to do that I can attempt to share that faithfulness with those around me as God has called us all to do.